Well it’s been quite some time since I’ve written  a blog post so I figured I should  get to it. I must say I have been a little stuck for topics of late however I did recently come across something that was definitely worthy of a rant because well, it just annoyed me LOL so here we go. Topic of the day is….SHAPEWEAR aka TUMMY SUCKERS or most commonly known as spanx!

Now I am yet to come across a curvy woman who hasn’t tried shapewear. In fact, most women who don’t even need shapewear have tried shapewear, which brings me to the main point of my rant. Have any of you actually looked at the women advertising shapewear?  When I see an advertisement for tummy suckers these days this is what I hear in my head…. ‘Oh hi take a look at our tummy suckers and see how great they work on our size 8 model…can you see how well our shapewear is holding in her non existant fat rolls?!’ Because you know it makes sense to smooth out and firm someone’s shape who clearly doesn’t need it! And if you keep on reading you’ll see the reason why these companies do this!

Ok so the frustration of the advertising aside, let’s get to the next point which is actually getting these tummy suckers on. Now as most of you would know, the range of the good old big girl panty has changed quite a bit over time. Gone are the beige Bridget Jones full brief high top knickers! These fat busting babies now come in knee length shorts, boy leg shorts, bikini, full brief, g-string, skirt, strapless dress, underbra straps and hey you can even get full length tights and almost everyone of these options comes up under the bust and is available in either black or beige.

Now I can tell you I have pretty much tried every single one of those mentioned above, in almost every brand and I have come to the conclusion that whenever I don’t have time to go the gym  or exercise, I’m just going to get out my tummy suckers and try put them on. Asides from the fact that they look like I’d only get my arm into them,  I am certain the time and effort involved in getting them on (not to mention the fact that you’ll have sweat dripping off you by the time you finish) has got to be the equivalent of a decent workout right?! I have to laugh everytime I’ve picked a pair up I look at them and think….No….how could this possibly be the right size…..how could this possibly fit?! But they fit….you might have a coronary getting them on, but once they’re on, you’ll surprisingly see that they fit and you can breathe…for now!

So you’ve done your work out and put on your tummy suckers and you’re standing in front of the mirror (front on) thinking hmm….this doesn’t look too bad and your silhouette is a little less bumpy. Ok so now you turn to the side.  And all of a sudden your smoothed out lumps and bumps don’t look so good.  It seems the ‘tummy suckers’ didn’t ‘suck’ anything in at all, but have actually decided to flatten and disperse your fat giving you a strange shaped stomach and well, a rather flat and now extra wide behind. So you look at the size 8 model on the tag with her washboard stomach and perfect ass  thinking to yourself….why don’t I look like that now? Surely that’s what these undies are supposed to do?!  Ahhh unfortunately not. You see because that’s how they look when you have no fat to suck in!

So then you take a seat on the bed trying to decide whether or not you put your dress on over the top of these things. You could probably do with a shower given you worked up a sweat putting them on, but hey who’s got time for another half hour workout before they’ve got to go somewhere. Not me! Anyway so as you’re sitting there you start to feel pretty uncomfortable because your suckers which are supposed to stay in place have decided to start rolling down from under the bust and rolling up from your legs! So not only are you now hot, sweaty and uncomfortable, you also have strangely shaped fat rolls added to your silhouette. Guess it wasn’t made for sitting down in. Don’t think it was made for eating in either actually, because I’ve found that original surprising feeling of being able to breathe, very quickly disappears the very second you put that first canapé in your mouth. And then after canapé number 3 it’s time to go to the bathroom and remove the tummy suckers altogether….Now I don’t know about you, but I can’t say I’ve ever had a different experience with these regardless of the type or brand. But like every other woman out there I am yet to give up on the tummy sucker and seem to think that there’s got to be one out there that miraculously smooths every lump and bump, doesn’t make you work up a sweat and take 30 mins to put on, doesn’t roll down and doesn’t affect your breathing after you eat a cracker?! Ahh NO!

So this brings me to my next question. Why? Why is it that everytime a curvy woman buys a new dress she feels the need to put herself through the shapewear torture? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a woman say “Oh I love this dress but it’ll look so much better once I’ve got a pair of tummy suckers on”. It seems we all want that slimline look but without actually doing anything to get it. Well to permanently get it anyway! Which brings me to my next point. If you’re that unhappy with yourself that you feel the need to waste money buying hideous looking underwear that really is only a potential health hazard then you really need to do one of 2 things…..you either need to learn to love and accept yourself the way you are OR you need to do something about your shape, the right way which is healthy eating and exercise.

Shapewear is like a diet pill or meal replacement shake – a waste of time and money. There is no quick fix and to be honest I personally think if you’re not one who wants to change your lifestyle, then instead of putting yourself through tummy sucker torture, I’d just make sure you buy a dress in your size that fits you (and in a style that actually suits your body shape). Forget the I’m going to buy it one size smaller cause I’ll lose 5 kilos before next weekend’s event (yes we’ve all said it!) because chances of it happening are slim to none.

And sometimes as much as we’d love something to look good because it’s in fashion and just happens to come in our size, doesn’t necessarily mean it will look good. So with that, I’ll say EMBRACE YOUR SHAPE, LOVE YOUR CURVES and make sure the junk in your trunk is dressed to impress (without the torture!) ….. www.curvyisbeautiful.com.au where all the gorgeous curvy clothes are at!

Until next time

x